Friday, August 27, 2004

Simply terrifying books.

My part-time job is a custoner service monkey in a chain bookstore, in what is probably one of the most popular areas in Edmonton. As such, one of my duties (and, I might add, one of my duties as Pop Culture Watchdog), is to keep watch out for new books that might be of interest, either to praise or condemn. Well, folks, it's condemning time.

DISCLAIMER: I don't claim to have read these books. I am here merely to mock. You might be one of those people who says in order to mock, you must first understand what you are mocking. You would be right, although, in this circumstance, you would also be dead wrong.

Firstly, we have Star by Pamela Anderson. Yes, Pamela Lee-Rock-Lee-Anderson. She has written a novel - a NOVEL - about a woman who is discovered at a football game, poses nude in a men's magazine, and stars on a television show about lifeguards. Whose name is Sam Danderson. Okay, I'm making that last part up. Seriously, though: she must be stopped before she writes again.

Secondly, we have How to Have a XXX Sex Life : The Ultimate Vivid Guide, by a bunch of pornstars. It's a sex tips book, from the people who - supposedly - know best. When I saw this book on the shelf, I was reminded of a quote I once read, who's source escapes me, which said: "Do not attempt to re-create sex you see in porno films. These are bad actors having bad sex." Then, when I ever-so-breifly scanned through it, I saw that these women were not just dispensing sex advice, but advice on "romance". I think I would have a hard time taking love advice from a woman who gets paid to have men spill their seed upon her, Biblically speaking. (That was as clean as I could make that sentence.)

There are just some people who shouldn't be writing. And something tells me that sentence is going to get back to me in the worst possible way, but it needs to be said.

No comments: