You can't fire me, I've got tenure!

Roscoe and I were talking about how I school was treating me:

Me: I'm going to do my thesis and then look back and see how much I liked it before I immediately tattoo "Academia 4 Life" on my arm, but it's fun for now.
Roscoe: If you're going to get a tattoo like that you should put it either on your stomach or your ass.
Me: Yes, because that sounds like me.
Roscoe: True, but think of the irony of having "Academia 4 Life" on your butt. Perfect!
Me: And mooning someone could be my way of welcoming someone to the lab!
Roscoe: I can't think of a better icebreaker...
Me: "Hi, I'm Dr. Bruce, and this is the Language and Literacy Center." [zzzzip!]
Roscoe: "We'll do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable!"