Rambling: My Surprisingly Apathetic Thoughts On The Film Industry

This has been percolating around in my head for a while, and I don't necessarily know if I'm 100% pleased with my conclusions, but it's as close to an opinion as I'm going to get on this subject. Ramblings about movies, culture, society, and economics ahead, some thoughtful, some grossly under-researched, some original, some not. Forge ahead with me, won't you?

There's a commercial I've seen on television for a video phone, and the tagline absolutely grinds my gears:

"Cinema quality picture - in the palm of your hand."

And every time I see it I want to yell at the screen. No. No. NO. That is not possible. Unless you are holding the phone DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES so that it is taking up 80% OF YOUR VISION, then it is not cinema quality. Because part of cinema quality is cinema SIZE. And the absolutely insane theater prices and the relative ease of pirating movies over the internet means that more and more people - and here I am thinking of "young people" but really people of any age - are watching movies exclusively on their television screens or smaller.

I love movies: I go to the movies at least twelve times a year, and often more. I am one of the butts in seats. One of what I think is a dying breed: the MOVIE fan. Originally I think I loved movies for the spectacle, and then I went for the story. What happened to the spectacle? If all you care about is ingesting a story, then why see the movie? Just read the screenplay. The cinematography, the set design, the lighting: that's all important, and you need to be able to SEE it.

And really, if it's just about knowing what's happened in the story, then you might as well watch your DVDs at 4x speed with subtitles on. Because that way you get the story. But you miss everything else: you miss the delivery, the timing, the acting, and the mood. If all you want is the story, go to Wikipedia. If you want the experience, you need more than just a 3 inch screen. (Or better yet: just read the summaries on Wikipedia, save yourself an hour and a half. It's the same thing, right? You know the plot points; you've basically seen the movie.)

I'm not saying you can't watch some movies on the small screen. Anchorman doesn't need the full-screen surround sound experience, particularly if, like me, you've seen it ten times or so. But you shouldn't see Inception or Fellini Satyricon or Citizen Kane for the first time on your iPod.

And yes, I know that movies are expensive, yeah, but there are ways around it. Discount theater tickets, discount theaters, etc. But I make a decent wage, and I can afford to go out to the theater more than a couple of times a year. But I think about people who are just struggling to get by, and want to have a fun experience for them and their families. What are they going to do: shill out thirty bucks for their family of four to go out on Discount Tuesdays or rent something for five bucks at Blockbuster or Netflix? Or just go to a torrent website and download something for free? I don't have a large family, it's just me and my wife. But if I had kids, and money was tight, I know what option I'd pick.

And it sucks, because the movies used to be the refuge of the working classes: you'd go to a double feature for five, ten cents, meet up with your friends or take someone out on a date and make a whole day of it. Even with inflation you can't go from five cents to twelve bucks in less than a hundred years. Movie companies are trying to recoup their losses from people who are renting or pirating, but really, they're forcing the very people away that they want to keep. Which "forces" them to drive the prices up, and now the snake head is eating itself. (And 3-D isn't the answer: people are already getting wise to that scheme. Like they did in the 50s.)

I really do feel that it's important to see movies in the THEATER every once in a while, and not just the big explosive blockbusters, because if you only patronize the mindless explosion-and-shotgun-blast movies that is all that people are going to make. Go see a comedy, or a drama. You might think that it's not going to be worth your investment, but if it's a movie you're interested in, no matter what the genre, then I truly believe it will be. Because it's not just about knowing what the story is about. It's about a social experience. A social experience that is being slowly eroded by greed and laziness. Which I think is sad. Maybe movie theaters will eventually run themselves down; maybe the death of the drive-ins was the first step towards complete extinction. And I'll be sad if that happens. And I'll keep pulling out my old favourites on DVD or watching Turner Classic Movies and watching them. But it won't be the same as being in a theater full of people gasping, laughing, or crying at what they're seeing on screen.

Rambling: My Changing Thoughts On The Self-Help Industry

When I was a child, I thought that one of the things that defined being a "grown up" - aside from the ability to order Big Macs and Peanut Buster Parfaits without having to ask your mom - was being able to do things on your own, without having to ask for help. I mean, as a little kid, you need help with pretty much EVERYTHING. Or at least, I did. Before I turned ten, I did almost everything with at least cursory supervision and guidance: driving (the tractor), making food, doing chores, etc. I don't know if that is because I was bad at a lot of stuff, or if my parents were a little overprotective, or if that's what happens to most kids. But I always felt that I grew up with every little task that my parents deemed me capable of doing on my own.

(As an brief aside: this mindset is likely why I don't like doing anything I'm not immediately good at, particularly sports & other physical activities. If I can't do it successfully the first time, then I generally don't try again. I think that has some kind of basis in the "you shouldn't need help" mindset; if I need to ask for help or guidance, then I obviously shouldn't be doing it.)

When I graduated University, I kept that idea in my head. Being an adult means that you don't need help with anything. Or at least, you shouldn't. Particularly in your field of "expertise." I mean, you have a degree now, doesn't that mean that you should understand pretty much everything about it? And if you don't, all that means is that you need to read more, study more, and figure it out for yourself. And that's pretty much the way I've operated my entire life. Until this afternoon.

I'm not going to go into the fine details, but to sum up: there was a motivational speaker at my school division's big meeting today, and he was talking about changing your life by changing your outlook. I've never put much stock in motivational speakers, new-age gurus, or self-help books. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, The Purpose-Driven Life, How To Win Friends & Influence People: all of these smacked of people who were just trying to make you feel good while taking your money, psychological snake-oil salesmen at best and spiritual saboteurs at worst. I equated Steven Covey, Dale Carnegie, et al. with televangelists like Jim Bakker and Peter Popoff. Besides, who has the audacity to tell you what to do to "improve" yourself? You live your life, not some guy with a business suit and sandals who wants to talk to you about "realizing your own potential." I wouldn't trust a guy like that to mow my lawn, let alone organize my life.

And yet...

...today, those thoughts were tested a little. Not by anything specific the speaker said, but by a thought I had while listening to him. A thought that was basically: "Why NOT ask for help?"

It's hardly a breakthrough, I know. But it had never honestly entered my mind before. I had half-heartedly entertained the notion of getting a financial advisor, but never actually acted on it. The truth of the matter is, though, that the world I live in is incredibly complex, and there is no way I can possibly make all the decisions I would like to, correctly, the first time. I still believe that most of the self-help gurus out there have done more harm than good. But there are experts in varuiys other fields that I respect, and I seek out their guidance and trust their opinions. And there are people who have already done the things that I am going to do, and they might have insight into my current situation. So why NOT ask them? Why NOT brainstorm with them and try to be better?

I'm not saying that I'm going to start spouting aphorisms and trademarked catchphrases; it's unlikely that I'll buy into any of the self-help cultures out there. I can't stand new-age spiritual claptrap, I almost ripped my copy of The Alchemist into tiny pieces as I read it so no-one else would have to read it EVER, and the metaphors and figurative language that most book authors use make me feel nauseous. I'll never be the guy with the life coach, telling people to live their lives according to the Four Directions. But maybe I can feel comfortable asking for other people's opinions, and maybe branching out. Because I know now that I honestly can't do everything on my own.

I know. Not really mind-blowing stuff. But something I think I needed to consider.

Apparently, I am a Constant Source of Amusement to Chuck D

As you might not expect from a thirty-one-year-old white guy who grew up in the middle of conservative, redneck Alberta, Canada, I am a big, big fan of Public Enemy. As an adolescent, I had a pretty closed-minded view of music: the music I liked mainly consisted of Weird Al, John Denver, and The Beatles. It was only in junior high that my musical tastes slowly began to branch out.

It was during junior high or high school, probably at least sixteen years ago, I discovered "911 Is A Joke," a song done by P.E.'s high-energy hype man Flavor Flav. Which, in retrospect, could possibly be the best P.E. song for a Weird Al fan to listen to. Flavor Flav's delivery was funny, even though the material was serious, and that pulled me in. It was only later that I really began to appreciate the sound that The Bomb Squad and Terminator X produced: the multiple samples that in other hands could have just been noise but actually became something beautiful. And of course, there was the main voice of Public Enemy: Chuck D. The man's lyrics were amazing and his delivery was powerful. I got sucked in. I loved it. I even turned my younger brother on to them, although if you ask him he would say he was the one who introduced me to the group. No matter. The point is: Public Enemy was a big deal. I played Fear of a Black Planet over and over again all that summer, and It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back became my all-time favourite album for quite some time. Public Enemy slapped me out of my musical complacency, and became one of the most influential artists or groups on my musical and personal development. And all because of one silly-sounding song.

* * * * *

Eleven years ago, a friend of mine said that Public Enemy was going to be performing in Edmonton, and asked if I would like to go to the concert with him. I immediately said yes; after all, I lived in Edmonton. What were the chances that Public Enemy was ever going to come back to Edmonton, for crying out loud? This was probably my only chance.

We went to the show, and it was pretty packed; a lot of people were standing on the floor, and we pushed as far as we could from the foot of the stage. And when Public Enemy came out, they were everything I wanted them to be: loud and enthusiastic and amazing. Chuck D announced that Terminator X wasn't able to make it across the border, but they'd found someone to replace him for this leg of the tour, DJ Lord, and although I was a little disappointed I found that he was a very acceptable substitute. I don't remember much about that night, only that my friend and I danced as hard as I could, so hard that we hurt for days afterwards. At one point during the show, I bumped into someone who used to go to high school with me: he looked shocked at first, his face incredulous, as if to say, "Really? You're here?" But I just smiled and shouted "Isn't this GREAT?!", and he smiled and nodded his head. At some point during the show I even caught an autographed LP that Professor Griff threw into the audience, and somehow managed to keep it in good condition through the rest of the concert. When it was all over, I was so excited that I immediately ran to the merch table and bought a concert t-shirt to commemorate the event. I was on an incredible high all night; I couldn't get to sleep, and my younger brother - who was my roommate at the time - stayed up late with me as I told him all about the show. I actually got to see Public Enemy. I could die happy.

* * * * *

Five years ago, I was listening to CJSR - the local campus and community radio station - and they announced that Chuck D would be doing a reading at the University as part of their visionary speakers series. I asked Ninja Stan if he wanted to go to the lecture with me, as he loves Public Enemy almost as much as I do (the two of us have been known to do a mean "Bring The Noise" at karaoke nights). He immediately said yes. We were extremely excited; I wore the shirt I'd bought at the concert years before, and yes, I know that's kind of a nerdy thing to do, but I couldn't help myself. I was very excited. I also brought a couple of P.E. CDs for him to sign; one for me to keep and one to give to my younger brother as a Christmas present. We arrived early in order to close to the front of the line, and when they let us in to the hall, we made it down to the very front of the rows of seats. We were both so giddy that you could feel our entire row of seats shaking from our bouncing up and down. Chuck was set to be introduced by a local author and CJSR radio personality, someone whose work I rather enjoyed, and when he came out to make the introductions, my breath caught in my throat for a second.

The speaker talked about how important Chuck D was on music in general, and on himself in particular. It was very obvious that he was a fan, a bigger fan than me, obviously, but that's okay. It wasn't a contest. We were all there to listen to the man and enjoy the evening. And then, just before he introduced Chuck, he said something that almost ruined the whole evening for me. I can't remember his words exactly, but he said something about how "Chuck D and Public Enemy were there to take hip-hop back from the middle-class white kids that had co-opted it."

It was like a punch to the gut. My blood ran cold. I didn't know what to do. I was sitting there, in the front row, ready to hear one of my idols talk about music, society, and anything else he felt like, and all of a sudden I was thinking, "Do I even belong here?" I felt like getting up and leaving. But I didn't. Because then he brought Chuck out and the place erupted, and I remembered why I was there. I remembered that it didn't matter what people thought of the chubby white guy in the front row wearing a concert t-shirt. All that mattered is that I got to see Chuck D.

He talked for over 2 hours. At first, he just spoke, but later, he took questions from the audience and then used them to springboard onto new topics. He talked about race, about music, about culture, about politics, about Canada, about the economy, and on and on. After the two and a half hour mark, he was told that he was going to have to wrap it up, because he had a plane to catch in the morning and they wanted to make sure he made it to his hotel and had a decent amount of sleep. So he said that anyone who wanted an autograph should come up and stand in line, and he'd keep talking until the line was done and/or he ran out of questions, whichever came first. I immediately got in line, clutching my CDs, and waited.

When I finally got to the front of the line, he took my CDs from me without really looking, very businesslike, which made sense: he had to hold a number of things in his head to sign stuff and keep lecturing. I asked him to sign my "Revolverlution" album to me, and my "It Takes A Nation of Millions" album to my brother. He looked up at me to ask how to spell his name, and then when he was done, he handed them back, and was about to go back to his speaking, but I somehow blurted out, "Thanks for making great music and for being an inspiration for this middle-class white kid." Then he looked back up at me, then at my shirt, then back to me.

"Were you at the concert?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Yes, I was. It was great."

He cocked his head, frowned amusedly, and looked at me, like he was thinking, "Really?" Then he asked, "You want me to sign your shirt?"

I must have lit up like a candle. "Sure!"

He laughed, and said "What's your name, man?" I told him, and after he was finished signing my shirt, he shook my hand, smiled again and said, "Thanks, man," and he seemed really genuinely grateful, if a little confused, that I liked him and his group. I turned and went back to my seat, shaking a little. I couldn't believe it. I had shaken hands and talked to Chuck D. I could die just a little bit happier.

* * * * *

A couple of months ago, I was walking down the street, and saw a poster that said that Public Enemy was coming to Edmonton. I freaked out a little bit, and resolved to go to the concert. That resolution was made considerably easier when Ninja Stan said that he would take me to the show for my birthday. I was very on-board. And I know what you're thinking: no, I did not wear my concert t-shirt. I didn't want to look like a giant dork. I wore my Strong Bad t-shirt instead.

We showed up early, because Ninja Stan is a big gimp who walks with a cane and can't stand for a show, so we got a table to the left of the stage and watched the opening acts, who varied from "not bad" to "screamingly hilariously awful, seriously, this has to be a joke, right?" We sat and ate some pizza and talked, but then, it was time for the show. And I wasn't going to sit for it.

I made my way to the middle of the group that had gathered at the stage, and then, BAM! DJ Lord, who had since become a permanent member of the group, started playing, and then Chuck D and Flavor Flav came out, and then the BAND came out. They had a three-piece band with them as well, and they played the whole show. Chuck had a sore throat at the beginning of the set - "I blew out my throat in Saskatoon!" - but after he spent twenty minutes sipping on some hot tea and drinking some medical concoction in between songs, his voice popped back in, and they played for another TWO HOURS AND TEN MINUTES. Nothing but songs off of "Nation of Millions" and "Fear of a Black Planet," my two favourite albums; I danced, I shouted, and I cheered with every song.

When it was finally over, I made my way to the left side of the stage to get Flavor Flav's autograph on my ticket stub. It took a while, as there were a lot of people there who had obviously become fans through his "work" in reality television. After about five minutes I finally got a signature and a quick handshake, and then I made my way to the right of the stage to get Chuck's autograph. When he took it from me, I somehow got the urge to say, "Chuck, I was here at the concert the last time you came through, and I saw you speak at the University, and I wanted to say thank you very much, man, I really really enjoyed the show."

And he looked down at me, head cocked, amused frown on his face. "You were here ten years ago?"

I smiled. "Yes."

His frown turned into a small smile. "And you were at the University?"

I smiled. "Yes."

He smiled a little more and nodded his head in approval. "What's your name, man?"

I told him, and he held out his hand. "Thanks for coming to the show, Devin." I shook his hand, thanked him, and then ran back to the table to show off my ticket to Ninja Stan, happy to have come to the concert, happy to have my autographed ticket stub, and happy to once again have been a source of amusement for Chuck D.

How I'm Reading, What I'm Reading, And Why

I was talking to my teaching partner at work the other day about one of the books that I was reading, The Devil in The White City by Erik Larsen (no, my nerdy compatriots, not that Erik Larsen). I was telling her something interesting - or at least, something I thought was interesting - that I had learned when reading it. And she looked at me a little confused. "I thought you were reading a book about evolution?" she said.

"I am. I'm also reading this book, though."

"I can't read two books at once," she said.

"I can read way more than two books at once," I said. "In fact, I have...six on the go right now? Not including comics."

She looked at me with a mixture of astonishment, awe, and yes, a little pity. "How can you DO that?"

I shrugged. "I always have," I said.

And it's true. I started reading I was a young man of four years old, and I can't really remember a time I didn't own a library card. My first library card was made out of yellow cardboard: it had Stony Plain Public Library printed on it in black letters, and my name and account number was written blue ink. I still remember my account number: 2222. Almost every weekend my parents drove fifteen minutes into town to do some errands, and I looked forward to these trips beause I got to go to the library, and find four new books. I started out getting kids books, but even by the age of nine or ten I was wandering into the adult non-fiction section to take out reference books, yes, REFERENCE BOOKS. Books about movies, science, music, history, whatever. I must have checked out The A-Z Encyclopedia of Movie Monsters over a dozen times.

I was always constrained, though, by the number of books I could take out. My child account stipulated that I could only have four books out at a time, so I had to choose wisely. I generally took out two books that I'd have done in one week, and two that would take me longer, so I would always have the excuse to go back to the library every week. This worked out okay, but soon I was asking my dad to take out a couple of books for me on his card because I couldn't take out enough on mine. I still remember the day I got my "adult" membership. It was on blue cardboard, and I could take out as many books as I wanted. I ran around the room like a kid in a candy store, except that, at twelve, I was still basically a kid at the time. I think I walked up to the corner with fifteen books. The librarian looked surprised, but I was elated. I had been waiting for this moment a long time.

So even back when I was a kid, I was reading multiple books at once. I never got confused, never forgot anything from a previous selection while I was reading something else. I never understood how anyone could be confused by reading too many books. After all, my mom watched more than one television show concurrently, and she never was confused about why David Suzuki wasn't talking about Dr. Sam Beckett's controversial time-travel theories, nor did she think that Heathcliff Huxtable was going to show up in the Cheers bar after a hard day's work of delivering babies. People don't get their television shows confused: why would I get characters or plots confused in the books I was reading?

So, what am I reading now? Well, I have since finished White City (which was very interesting, if a little jarring at points where the author switched narrative viewpoints). But if you take a look at my statistics on GoodReads, you'll find that I'm reading 18 books right now. But really, let's remove four of them right away, because I started them a LOOOONG time ago, and haven't made any progress on them in at least six months at best. And of those that remain, four of them are comics trade paperbacks, so let's take those away as well. That leaves me with ten books currently "on the go." And what are they?

1. The Third Chimpanzee - A non-fiction book about the evolution and development of the human species.
2. The Avenger #1 (Justice Inc. and The Yellow Hoard) - A collection of pulp stories about The Avenger, a man who suffers nerve trauman which makes him able to sculpt his face, and who uses this new ability to fight the mob.
3. The Dead Man's Brother - A book by acclaimed sci-fi author Roger Zelazny (my friend Mike would take issue with this one, methinks - it's a previously-unpublished crime novel, no robots or flying cars or anything).
4. How To Read Superhero Comics And Why - A non-fiction book about the literary and artistic merits of the superhero comic book.
5. Lady Chatterly's Lover - A novel by D.H. Lawrence that was banned in the U.S. and the U.K. when it was first published (and that I am now reading as part of an iPod app - oh, how things have changed in 80 years).
6. A Princess of Mars - The second book in the Barsoom Chronicles by Edgar Rice Burroughs (hopefully I've redeemed myself in Mike's eyes).
7. Sometimes A Great Notion - A re-read of a personal favourite, in fact, a book that is on my shortlist for the Greatest American Novel.
8. The Crime Writer - A novel by the crime writer Gregg Hurwitz, an audiobook version that I got through Audible.
9. The Film Club - A memoir about a man who home-schooled his high-school dropout son by watching movies.
10. A Gentleman's Game: A Queen & Country Novel - An espionage thriller and the first novel in the Queen & Country series (all previous stories were comic books).

All of these books are in various stages of completion, but I don't get confused when I pick them up. Sometimes I might forget, for a moment, the particular plot details or the hypotheses in the previous chapters, but generally I can get up to speed within a few minutes. I'm not always at TEN books at once, but generally it's between five to eight. What can I say? Does that make me weird? How do YOU prefer to read: one book at a time, or a hodge-podge that you can pick through at your leisure and/or convenience? Let me know, readers.

All Times Are Valentimes!

I thought about doing a traditional "I hate Valentine's Day" post, but I've decided against it. Not saying I actually Valentine's Day, because I really don't. If you're curious, it has to do with the whole "societally mandated day that you must prove your love" angle of the day. And while I still believe that, I think I've mellowed a little in my old age, and my opinions aren't as ABSOLUTE and UNYIELDING as they used to be. So I'm willing to loosen my stranglehold on that opinion a little in order to make things tolerable around my house. The Peach knows I don't like it, but she still likes the whole idea, so I'm willing to swallow my pride - and my tongue - and meet her halfway. This 14th I will be getting her a tiny present with a card, and we will have a romantic meal of champagne and cheeseburgers, followed likely by some movie with Cary Grant in it.

And that's it. That's about all I can handle at this stage in my life, and luckily The Peach isn't super-high-maintenance about it. I'm very glad I'm not with someone who would be like that about Valentine's day, but then again: a relationship like that would have fizzled out long before the first February reared its ugly head. And I'm kind of looking forward to seeing what the kids in my class will be doing for Valentine's day. God, I'm actually looking forward to something V-Day related? I must be losing my bile. The Young Doc would be mortified.

The Doc vs. The AFI, Part Four

(Previously in our saga: Parts One, Two, and Three.)

I had been doing pretty well so far with the lists so far; sure, I'd had my stumbles, but my guesses were much better than average, and even better than I'd expected myself to do. I'd also had a fair number of problems with the lists, what they'd included and excluded as films and genres. I hadn't expected much, but I had expected a little better. With the Epics, though, it was about to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Epic:
Official Definition: AFI defines "epic" as a genre of large-scale films set in a cinematic interpretation of the past.
My Thoughts: On the surface it's pretty good, but it does leave some things a little too open to interpretation. "The past" is too broad, I think, because it opens this definition up to encompassing another genre entirely, one we will be noticing in a little bit.
What I Got Right:
10. The Ten Commandments.
6. Titanic. (And I'm sad that I got it right.)
5. Spartacus.
4. Gone With The Wind.
2. Ben Hur.
1. Lawrence of Arabia.

What I Missed:
9. Reds. Wow, that's cool. Didn't see that coming. Wait a second. An often overlooked film that more people should see? Good job, AFI.
8. Saving Private Ryan. Okay, this is where I got mad. This is Grade-A b.s. You want to put this on a list, you make a Top Ten War Movies list. You can remove Courtroom Drama and replace it with an ACTUAL genre.
7. All Quiet on the Western Front. I love this movie, but see above.
3. Schindler's List. I don't see this as an epic. It's a drama. (Or even, depending on your definitions, a war movie.)

What I Guessed:
Braveheart and Gladiator - They're the epitomy of the epic film (long, sweeping, historical, "important", expensive), and made boatloads of cash. I thought these were both shoe-ins. Not that I think they're any more deserving than some others, I just thought they were AFI material.
The Greatest Story Ever Told - Kind of a shocker to be excluded. Big and historical, but I guess one Biblical epic is enough.
Giant - This was just a placeholder, really. I couldn't think of anything else, and I was running out of time.

Other Thoughts: 60% on the Epics, but a lot of my picks were home runs anyhow. And now I can talk about the problem with the Epic film. It includes the War film genre. And I don't know why the AFI didn't include a War genre in their categories. There are a lot of great war movies, and unlike some of the other genres on the list it's a real genre. (I suppose you could argue that a list of ten great war movies would be kind of depressing, but that's something for public relations people to look at, not me. I'm just interested in the movies.) I actually liked their definition, until I realized that it didn't exclude war movies, something that you could easily do. They at least attempted it with Sci-Fi and Fantasy.


My Final Thoughts:

At long last, I can give you a brief (too late!) summary of the AFI show. First of all, it was an incredibly boring show. Other AFI shows I've seen have had interesting interview segments from writers, producers, politicians, actors, directors, and film historians, all talking about how the movies on the list affected them. Most of the people on this show were celebrities that talked about movies that they were in or helped make. I don't care what Steven Spielberg has to say about Schindler's list, or George Lucas about Star Wars. I want to hear Lucas talk about Ben Hur, or Spielberg talk about a director like Hitchcock. THAT would be interesting. John Ratzenberger talking about Toy Story, or Rob Reiner talking about When Harry Met Sally? That I can pass on.

As I've already said, the genres ranged from great to awful. I know the AFI has already done lists of dramas, comedies, and "thrills" (which covers a great deal of genres, actually), but they still could have put together a better list than this. In fact, let me give it a whirl. What about these for the Ten Top Tens?
Fantasy; Sci-Fi; Horror / Suspense; Gangster; War; Historical Epic; Romantic Comedy; Mystery; Western; Sports.
Replace Courtroom Drama and Animation with two more well-defined (and in my eyes, legitimate) genres: Horror/Suspense and War. Beef up your definitions of Fantasy, Romantic Comedy, and Mystery. Narrow your Epics to movies that focus on history more than war (not that they can't involve war, just that the war isn't the focus of the movie). There's a better programme already. And I'm even going to throw them a bone for Sports. Just because I don't like it doesn't mean it's not a "genre", per se. (Plus, if you have the stones to put Caddyshack on it, I'm good.)

And finally, my biggest problem with the list? Predictability. I went sixty percent overall, with an average of ten minutes to prepare each list. And even the ones I didn't pick didn't usually surprise me. I think that lists like this should point people towards deserving movies that they wouldn't normally rent or go to see. I had only three of these surprise entries that I thought fit the genre and that most people watching the show wouldn't have heard of: The Thief of Baghdad, Harold and Maude, and McCabe and Mrs. Miller. If the point of these lists is to put even more plaudits on well-respected movies and help the traditional Hollywood machine make more money, congratulations AFI, you've succeeded. Just don't try and make it look like you're trying to find the "best" movies.

Thanks for reading along, folks, those of you who have. Anyone who wants to make suggestions for the genres, or any comments at all, feel free. I'm just glad I've got this off my chest.

The Doc vs. The AFI, Part Three

(Confused? You can find parts One and Two here.)

At this point in the show, I felt that the AFI lists were okay but not anything to write home about. But I wasn't going to give up on my challenge. I'd challenged myself to make my predictions for these lists, and I was going to see that challenge through. Besides, it made watching the show more fun. Unfortunately for me, the genres and movies selected just got more and more ridiculous.

Mystery:
Official Definition: AFI defines "mystery" as a genre that revolves around the solution of a crime.
My Thoughts: Not so good. First of all, a traditional mystery could be about solving a crime, but not all movies about solving crimes are mysteries. Heat, for instance. Part of it is about solving or preventing crimes, but there's no mystery to it. And then there are mysteries that aren't about crimes at all. There are fewer of these, but movies like Shamalyan's Sixth Sense and Unbreakable are good examples. They're mysteries, but not about solving crimes. I'm not sure my definition will be flawless either, but how about "The Doc defines "mystery" as a genre that deals with a puzzle that must be solved." Not perfect, but I think it's better.

What I Got Right:
10. The Usual Suspects. (And nice to see.)
7. North by Northwest.
6. Maltese Falcon. (I think this should be higher, but at least it's not any lower.)
5. The Third Man.
1. Vertigo. (I picked this over Rear Window. I figured there was no way there would be more than 3 Hitchcock films on the list, and one of my other picks wasn't considered - see below.)

What I Missed:
9. Dial M for Murder. Okay, this movie? IS NOT A MYSTERY. I know it's Hitchcock, and it's good, but it's not a mystery. There's a difference between mystery and suspense.
8. Blue Velvet. I left this off because I thought it was too weird for most people to even consider. Shows what I know.
4. Laura. Don't know anything about this movie.
3. Rear Window. Okay, seriously. I love the guy, but this is too much Hitchcock on one list (3/10 seemed reasonable, but 4/10 seems like too much.).
1. Chinatown. Well this one was on my gangster list, so...I'm taking it as half a win for me.

What I Guessed:
The Sixth Sense - I just assumed it'd be on the list because it was popular and I hadn't read the definition ahead of time (it's not about a crime to be solved). I'm kind of glad it's not, though: there are better mysteries out there.
The Big Sleep - However, I am surprised this wasn't on their list. It's a classic Hollywood picture, with the immortal Bogey/Bacall pairing, and pretty good to boot.
Murder on the Orient Express - The film version of one of the best-known murder mysteries ever made doesn't make the cut? I don't like it. It could be because it too "British", but if Lawrence of Arabia is "American", then this should be too.
The Thin Man - I really thought Nick & Norah Charles would get some love.
Rebecca - This just gets so much good word of mouth, I figured it would be on the list. (Plus, this was my third Hitchcock pick.)

Other Comments: 50% on this list, 55% if you subscribe to my Chinatown theory, but I'm feeling pretty good about that considering one of the ones that I missed isn't a mystery. (Still a little miffed about that.) Some really good movies on the list, though, with Blue Velvet and The Usual Suspects making a good showing for some more modern mysteries.


Romantic Comedy:
Official Definition: AFI defines "romantic comedy" as a genre in which the development of a romance leads to comic situations.
My Thoughts: So close. In a romantic comedy, the development of a romance does not need to LEAD TO comic situations. The romance can COME FROM the comic situations. As long as they're not independent, I think it's okay.

What I Got Right:
10. Sleepless in Seattle.
7. Adam's Rib. (I knew there had to be a Spencer/Tracy vehicle, and I picked the right one.)
6. When Harry Met Sally. (One of my favourites.)
5. The Philadelphia Story.
3. It Happened One Night. (My favourite.)
2. Annie Hall.

What I Missed:
8. Harold and Maude. Awesome. In this case, I'm not angry I guessed one wrong.
7. Moonstruck. Well, that explains why we've been seeing Norman Jewison this whole evening.
4. Roman Holiday. I feel stupid for not even considering this one.
1. City Lights. Oh, AFI. Your definitions astound and delight me. It's a comedy, and it's romantic, and it is an amazing movie, but it is so different from the rest of the movies on this list that it's like seeing a zebra in a horse race. This is the odd man out on this list.

What I Guessed:
Pretty Woman - Thank you, AFI, for having some taste.
Tootsie - Was just a fill-in spot. My dark horse.
The Apartment - Really? The AFI decided that the needed no Billy Wilder zaniness?
The Lady Eve - And no Preston Sturges? The man was a genius!

Other Thoughts: 60% on romantic comedies, something some guys wouldn't be too proud of but I'm just fine with it. And about City Lights. All nine other movies have their roots in screwball comedy. City Lights has its roots in vaudeville and melodrama. I love City Lights, but I don't think it's a romantic comedy in the strictest sense of the word. A lot of the comedy has nothing to do with the romantic subplot; they aren't as intertwined as in the other selections. It's a comedy movie with romance in it, but not a romantic comedy, if that makes any sense. Other than that, not much to say (besides the fact that Annie Hall is WAY too high on the list).


Courtroom Dramas:
Official Definition: AFI defines "courtroom drama" as a genre of film in which a system of justice plays a critical role in the film's narrative.
My Thoughts: More than Animation, more than Sports, this is the biggest genre stretch of the night. You might as well have picked "police procedural" or "diaster" as genres, which are about as valid and narrow. With all the other genres they left off, this one just seems insulting. I needed to use the IMDB just to THINK of ten courtroom dramas.

What I Got Right:
10. Judgement at Nuremburg.
7. Anatomy of a Murder.
6. Witness for the Prosecution. (Needed IMDB for this one.)
5. A Few Good Men.
2. 12 Angry Men.
1. To Kill a Mockingbird.

What I Missed:
9. A Cry In The Dark. The only reason I've even heard of this movie is because when I was in Junior High, my friends would shout "A DINGO ATE MY BABY!" randomly at the top of their lungs. I've still never seen it.
8. In Cold Blood. Never seen it.
4. The Verdict. Never seen it.
3. Kramer vs. Kramer. Okay, this one I can see. Didn't even think of it, which is silly.

What I Guessed:
Paths of Glory - One of the best legal movies I've ever seen, plus it's Kubrick. I'm really shocked this wasn't on.
Caine Mutiny - No reason, mostly a placeholder. I used IMDB to think of this one, too.
The Firm and The Client - I just picked them because John Grisham's popular and I figured I'd score with one of them.

Other Thoughts: I'm really surprised I could come up with 8 courtroom dramas on my own, let alone predict 60% of them. And that's the problem: how many courtroom dramas spring to mind compared to, say science fiction. Also, I know I'm going to take a little flak for this, but I don't think To Kill A Mockingbird is a courtroom drama. To me, the movie's about Scout, not Atticus and the trial. The trial's an important part of the movie, but not THE MOST important part. Your mileage may vary. Overall, though, I think this genre is a ridiculous choice and should be tossed.


I was 58% accurate on these three lists, bringing me up to 59% overall. I was really depressed at how predictable these lists were: why bother making a three-hour television special about it at all (aside from the obvious answer: money)? At this point I was on my way to trying to overhaul the whole list, and the last category clinched it for me. Check back in a couple more days for Part 4: the last Top Ten list, my proposed facelift, and more random thoughts.

The Doc vs. The AFI, Part Two

(Part One here.)

So, huddled at my computer during the commercial break, I frantically made up my lists . I tried my best to predict what the AFI's lists would be, which meant that I wasn't making my own Top Ten lists based on what I think are quality movies, but rather trying to think like an AFI member and pick the most obvious ones. Sometimes I failed and went for my own personal favourites, but I tried to use their criteria over mine. Like I said, I figured I'd get 30%, maybe 50% depending on how well I knew the genre. How did it go?

Sports:
Official Definition: AFI defines "sports" as a genre of films with protagonists who play athletics or other games of competition.
My Thoughts: That sounds good, I guess, but I think it's a little too open of a definition. If your protagonist plays a sport, but the movie is mostly about their problems outside the sports arena, then it's still a sports movie. Which I disagree with.

What I Got Right:
10. Jerry Maguire.
9. National Velvet. (I almost guessed Seabiscuit, because it was the first horse-racing movie that came to mind, but I quickly changed it to National Velvet.)
5. Bull Durham.
1. Raging Bull. (Here's where my problem with the definition comes in. Raging Bull is about a boxer, but I don't think it's a "sports movie".)

What I Missed:
8. Breaking Away. Never heard of it.
7. Caddyshack. Really? That is awesome. Don't think it's worthy of a Top Ten mention, but it's kind of a shallow category, so throw the sports comedies a bone.
6. The Hustler. I was this close. (See below.)
4. Hoosiers. I vaguely remember seeing part of this movie on cable once. It seemed okay.
3. The Pride of The Yankees. Haven't seen it so it didn't spring to mind, but I can see this being on the list. Gary Cooper as Lou Gehrig? I might even rent it one day.
2. Rocky. I can't believe I didn't pick Rocky. I am dumb.

What I Guessed:
A League of ther Own - I'm very surprised that this was excluded. It was incredibly popular, stars Tom Hanks, and was actually decent. How can you not vote for "There's no crying in baseball!"?
Tin Cup - I thought they might pick a golf movie, but the fact that it was Caddyshack makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. It's definitely better than Tin Cup, anyhow.
Eight Men Out - Haven't seen this movie but it was the only other baseball movie that sprung to mind. This would have been Field of Dreams if I didn't know it was already on another list.
Color of Money - Instead of picking The Hustler, I picked the sequel. I thought the AFI would go for Tom Cruise & Paul Newman over Paul Newman & Jackie Gleason.
Chariots of Fire - I haven't seen it, but I thought it was vaguely about running. That's the only reason I picked it.
The Natural - I haven't even seen the movie, but I know the scene where the guy hits the home run and the lights go out in the stadium. Plus: Randy Newman awesomeness. I thought that might be a good pick.

Other Comments: I was 40% on this one, which was kind of expected because I'm not a sports movie enthusiast. Don't love this category, but I suppose it's a decent American genre. I don't see many French or Italian or British sports movies, but I know of tons of American ones.


Western:
Official Definition: AFI defines "western" as a genre of films set in the American West that embodies the spirit, the struggle and the demise of the new frontier.
My Thoughts: Only the second definition (after sci-fi) that I have zero problems with. It's hard to screw up the definition of a Western, though.

What I Got Right:
9. Stagecoach.
6. The Wild Bunch. (I really do love this movie, but the fact that it beats out a few of the other ones on my "Missed" list kind of rubs me the wrong way.)
5. Red River.
4. Unforgiven.
3. Shane.
2. High Noon.
1. The Searchers. (Pretty obvious, because it's brilliant. Probably the best Western of all time, and yes, I know how film-school-y that is.)

What I Missed:
10. Cat Ballou. I've never seen it, I'd never even HEARD of it, so I can't really comment. But it had better be pretty damned good to beat out any of my other three.
8. McCabe & Mrs. Miller. Wow, that's actually a really good choice. A surprise nod, but a pleasant one.
7. Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid. I guess I shouldn't be surprised: it's very well-loved and seen as an American classic, which means . I think it's overrated myself: it's okay, but it's not great.

What I Guessed:
The Magnificent Seven - The fact that this was not on the list is a big shocker to me. So many classic actors, good performances, and a very successful movie. I thought that this would be AFI material for sure.
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance - They left this off but they had Cat Ballou!?! I call "no way".
Treasure of the Sierra Madre - I figured this would have been classified a Western by the Institute's sometimes-screwy definitions, but I guess not. Because if it was a western it really SHOULD have been on.

Other Comments: I was 70% this time, but I do like American Westerns. And by American Westerns, I generally mean "John Ford, John Wayne, and John Huston". Which is a fairly good definition, anyhow.


Gangster:
Official Definition: AFI defines the "gangster film" as a genre that centers on organized crime or maverick criminals in a twentieth century setting.
My Thoughts: Wow, this is a pretty good definition, too. No complaints. The AFI is surprising me.

What I Got Right:
10. Scarface. (The Al Pacino version from the 1980s. I picked this to be on their list even though I think the Paul Muni version was better.)
9. Little Caesar.
8. The Public Enemy.
7. Pulp Fiction. (I just barely picked this over Reservoir Dogs; it's a better movie, but it's not as good a "gangster" movie.)
5. Bonnie and Clyde.
4. White Heat. ("Middle of the pack, ma!")
3. The Godfather Part II.
2. Goodfellas.
1. The Godfather. (Part II is a better movie, but you can't have Part II without Part I, so I don't really have a problem with their relative placements.)

What I Missed:
6. Scarface: The Shame of A Nation. Oh wow! That was a pleasant surprise.

What I Guessed:
Chinatown - I thought this was a sure thing. After looking at their definitions, though, since it focuses more on the cops than the criminals, I can see why they left it off.

Other Comments: I expected to do well on the Gangster movie (since I took a course on it in University), but 90%? Things were looking good for me. I think there are better gangster movies than some that are on the list (like Miller's Crossing), and the fact that there were no films noir is a little disconcerting, because lots of film noir protagonists could be thought of as "maverick criminals". A good list, probably my favourite so far in terms of quality.


So far, so good; averaging them all together, I'm batting 60% (stupid "sports" genre). Four more categories to go, and this is where things get kind of screwy for me. Check back in a couple of days for Part Three (and, if these lists stay as long as they are, probably Part Four as well, in an attempt to stay moderately readable).

The Doc vs. The AFI, Part One

On Tuesday night, the American Film Institute presented their annual celebration of American films. In the past, they've had the best 100 American films of all time, the best 100 American movie stars, the best 100 heroes and villains, and so on. This year, being their eleventh, I think they were running a little low on ideas, so they came up with the AFI Ten Top Tens. The top ten films in ten different genres. Being the movie and list nerd I am, I decided to see what they would come up with.

Before I go any further I should say that I find the AFI's lists an exercise in frustration. They make lists full of movies that either made a lot of money, won a lot of Oscars, are incredibly popular, or a combination of all three. This makes for a great orgy of self-congratulation, but not necessarily for lists of really great movies. Film critic Jonathan Rosenbaum has said of the first AFI celebration:

"Just about everyone I've spoken to about the American Film Institute's list of the 100 greatest American movies...has been depressed about it--partly because the list was so lackluster and partly because the show failed to offer an interesting justification for any of the titles."

I'm inclined to agree with him. If you're going to make a list of the best movies, sure you're going to get some obvious entries, but I think you should also throw in quite a few surprises, underrated movies that may not have been huge moneymakers or little-known masterpieces. The AFI doesn't really do that: it's mostly middle-of-the road, obvious movies. I also have problems with the way they define things. Because what makes a movie "American"? Director, actor, producer, studio? The AFI's definition of American includes movies like Lawrence of Arabia and Bridge on the River Kwai (which I think are fairly British movies), and The Lord of the Rings trilogy (mostly made in and by people from New Zealand). However, these problems aside, I still do like seeing what makes the list, so I sat down to watch. Here are my impressions of the first three categories.


Animation:
Official Definition: "AFI defines "animated" as a genre in which the film's images are primarily created by computer or hand and the characters are voiced by actors."
My Thoughts: Okay, sure. I don't have a big problem with that definition, although I like that they threw in that "voiced by actors" bit. You know, because all those voice synthesizers and animals were hogging the acclaim. My big problem is: I don't know why this is a genre. Animated films are themselves made up of many genres: fantasy, science-fiction, musical, horror, and so on. By reversing this logic, "live action" is also a genre.

The List
10. Finding Nemo
9. Cinderella
8. Shrek
7. Beauty & The Beast
6. Toy Story
5. Fantasia
4. The Lion King
3. Bambi
2. Pinnochio
1. Snow White & The Seven Dwarves

My Thoughts: Wow. Anyone else see a pattern here? I know that Walt Disney is the father of animation, and that his company made most of the American animated feature films, but 90% of the Top Ten seems a bit high for me. Sure, you can make a case for most of them (although I think that Sleeping Beauty would have been a better choice than Pinnochio), but ALL of them? Why couldn't the Institute have thrown a bone to Don Bluth's and/or Brad Bird's non-Disney work? And the fact that some great Warner Bros. animation work was excluded simply because they were shorts, or that some groundbreaking stop-motion animation work from live action movies (Ray Harryhausen, anyone?) can't make this list, is ridiculous. And then there's the whole "animation=genre" problem. What a waste of a category. They should have just made a "great moments of animation" special for next year, included short films and stop-motion stuff from live-action movies, and freed this spot for something better.


Fantasy:
Official Definition: "AFI defines "fantasy" as a genre where live-action characters inhabit imagined settings and/or experience situations that transcend the rules of the natural world."
My Thoughts: This is a really awkward definition. Okay, why does it have to be live-action? I mean, aside from the fact that "animation" is it's own category, and if they were eligible here that list would be even more laughable. Also, on it's own merits it doesn't really exclude some movies that would otherwise be considered "Sci-Fi"; like Star Wars, for instance, or many superhero movies like X-Men or Superman. It sounds good at first but falls apart under scrutiny (which means it makes for some surprising choices on the list).

The List
10. Big
9. The Thief of Bagdad
8. Groundhog Day
7. Harvey
6. Field of Dreams
5. Miracle on 34th Street
4. King Kong
3. It's a Wonderful Life
2. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
1. The Wizard of Oz

My Thoughts: Whoah nellie. What a wide range of movies. You have the traditional sword-and-sorcery as well as a bunch of movies that are only loosely related. There are some interesting choices here, but I think the overall impression reflects the poor definition. (Although it is cool to see The Thief of Bagdad on the list - Douglas Fairbanks swashbuckly goodness.) I can't really critique this list, because it's just a Mulligan Stew of ridiculousness. I don't know if you CAN do a great definition of fantasy in movies, though, unless you stick to the traditional model, and in that case, I don't know how helpful a definition it would be. (Probably because you couldn't really make a Top Ten American Sword&Sorcery Films list.) Another example of a questionable category. And let me point out that The Wizard of Oz is on this list, but there is NO Top 10 Musicals list. THAT is a genre. Animation...it's questionable.


Science-Fiction:
Official Definition: "AFI defines "science fiction" as a genre that marries a scientific or technological premise with imaginative speculation."
My Thoughts: This one actually sounds pretty good. And actually, this definition explains, in part, why Fantasy's is so bad. Fantasy's definition basically includes any fantastic situation that isn't sci-fi.

The List
10. Back to the Future
9. Invasion of the Body-Snatchers
8. Terminator 2: Judgement Day
7. Alien
6. Blade Runner
5. The Day The Earth Stood Still
4. A Clockwork Orange
3. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial
2. Star Wars
1. 2001: A Space Odyssey

My Thoughts: Okay, not bad. This is actually a fairly good list, although I think some of them might be blurring the line between Sci-Fi and Horror (which was also not included as a genre, oddly enough). Back To The Future was a pleasant surprise, although I don't know if it's Top Ten worthy, and Clockwork Orange is stretching sci-fi a little for my liking (I see it more of a dystopian movie than a sci-fi movie). I thought Empire Strikes Back should have been on this list: it was a better movie than Star Wars, if not as "groundbreaking". I was surprised not to see Close Encounters of the Third Kind, but I also don't feel too bad that it's not here. Otherwise: the list is full of standard, middle of the road fare (E.T., Terminator 2) and obvious choices (Alien, Blade Runner, The Day The Earth Stood Still, 2001). Aside from Doc Brown and Marty, the list is nothing too surprising.


By this time in the show, I was thinking to myself, "I'm a little disappointed. I could probably come up with the rest of these lists in the commercial breaks." And then I stopped. "You know, I probably could." So, I sat down at the computer, opened up a WordPad file, and started making my own versions of the lists. It took me about 20 minutes overall for seven Top Ten lists, all done in the commercials, all made before the list first aired. I figured I'd get an average of 30%, based on my knowledge of film, the AFI's strange definitions (which I didn't know at the time I was writing the lists), and the obscurity of some of the genres. I wasn't prepared for how well I would do.

Tune in in a few days for Part Two!

Handed In My Final Draft Today!

It was a lot of work, but I finished the paper proper and handed the hard copies in to my committee members today. Just over fifty pages, which is a little light for a thesis but I think I have some important findings despite the short length. So the paper's done, and I celebrated with pizza and Futurama (more on that last one later).

But I don't get much time to rest: I present on December 7th, so there's a talk, a PowerPoint, and a thourough comb-through of the paper for possible questions. Nine days until then, and then I might (read: "in all probability will") have some revisions. So essentially, after looking at my own words over and over again on the computer screen, it feels like this process will never end. I'm sure that feeling will pass, though. And hopefully I'll have the paper ready for printing and binding before I have to pay for another semester...

Return To The Echo Chamber

For about a week after I got back from Vancouver, I didn't feel like putting anything up here. I didn't know if I had anything important or interesting to say, if inded I had any before I left. Sounds like self-pity, but it's true. I didn't know if I'd been doing anything interesting or not. I'd sure been reading, watching, and listening to a lot of stuff, but I didn't know if that counted. So I just went about my business.

A week after that, I purposely ignored my little corner of the blogosphere. I tried not to look at the page at all - difficult as it's my browser's homepage - in an effort to see if I really needed it. What was I doing with it, after all? I don't put out hard-hitting exposés on the global news conglomerates; I don't put out daily or even semi-daily commentary on any kind of niche market; I don't use it as a diary of my daily chores and travels. I figured if I didn't have direction, I didn't have a point.

A week later, there were things that I was thinking about, wanted to write about, but because I'd been gone for two weeks, I couldn't bring myself to do anything. Inertia had set in. Better to just drown my spare time exploring various narratives and playing The Sims than think about things. I tried, for seven days, being lazy. I'm not exactly an active bundle of energy, really, but I just let the seeds of all the ideas in my brain fall on cracked, unforgiving earth. And it didn't matter. I didn't care. I just kept inching along at my new, slow pace.

But then this past week. I've been thinking. Even if sometimes I didn't want to. I think part of it has to do with me kick-starting my thesis-writing, getting back into the rational, incisive mindset, but there are things bouncing around in my head that, somehow, have taken root. And even though I think this blog has no real mission statement, maybe that's not true. Maybe it's for me to put things out there, anything that's rattling in my head. Sometimes it'll be to bring things to people's attention that I think are important, sometimes it'll be a sounding board for my grievances, sometimes it'll be ridiculous conversations and silly anecdotes, sometimes it'll be a place for me to hammer out my own opinions. It'll be a big patched-together, multi-purpose, writing engine. If there's anyone around still reading, that's a plus. I do like the idea of writing to an audience, and I get a little shiver of glee when I see a comment has been posted. But sometimes, all I need is to talk, even if no-one's listening.

So even though I'm spread out all over the place, in some of the various social networks this internet has to offer, I'll always come back here. Because I'm comfortable in the one place that's mine.

Ugh. Now I've finally put something up here, and it doesn't feel very polished. But it's done. The hard part's over, again.

Spring and Summer MegaPlaylist

Much to The Peach's chagrin, yesterday was the autumnal equinox, the first day of fall for those not up on their astronomy. The days of summer bar-be-ques, shorts, and suntan lotion will soon be just a memory, or for some people, the only thing keeping them going through the wintry nights. But for me, memories keep better when they have a soundtrack. So I decided to make a list some of the best songs I heard from the albums I got this past spring/summer. I didn't include every album I got, because some were standup comedy and might have broken the flow (like Patton Oswalt, whom I love), some of them had multiple album entries on the list (like They Might Be Giants), and some of them weren't very good albums (like, god help me, Bjork). I would have made it in a playlist form but I'm not that technically proficient, so you just get a list. Some of the albums are over thirty years old, some of them came out in the past six months. Many were downloaded from eMusic, but some were actual purchases of physical albums. The only thing that connects them are the fact that I obtained them from December 21 to September 21.

I've also decided that if there's any interest I could make an album of these songs available to the people who amass a certain number of Geek Points, say, ten or twelve. Or if you REALLY want one but don't think you could ever get enough points, we could always come up with another solution that's geek-related. Sure, you could always download them and make a playlist or something, but you'd miss out on the personally designed and shoddily constructed album covers! And you wouldn't want to deny yourselves that, would you?

The Doc’s Music: The Spring/Summer Singles Collection
A Weekend In The City (Bloc Party) - Song For Clay (Disappear Here)
Atlantis (k-os) - Fly Paper
Gang Of Losers (The Dears) - Ticket To Immortality
Greetings From Michigan (Sufjan Stevens) - For The Widows In Paradise; For The Fatherless In Ypsilanti
Orphans (Tom Waits) - Bottom Of The World
69 Love Songs (The Magnetic Fields) - Papa Was A Rodeo
Operation: DOOMsday! (MF Doom) - Rhymes Like Dimes Featuring Cucumber Slice
The Life Pursuit (Belle & Sebastian) - Sukie In The Graveyard
Ys (Joanna Newsom) - Emily
Streethawk (Destroyer) - Virgin With A Memory
Shake The Sheets (Ted Leo + Pharmacists) - Heart Problems
At War With The Mystics (The Flaming Lips) - It Overtakes Me
Eye To The Telescope (KT Tunstall) - Black Horse And The Cherry Tree
Scissor Sisters (Scissor Sisters) - Comfortably Numb
All Roads Lead to Ausfahrt (NoMeansNo) - The Hawk Kills The Punk
Resurrection (Common) - I Used To Love H.E.R
Neon Bible (Arcade Fire) - My Body Is A Cage
Little Minds (Count Zero) - Sail Your Ship By
Memory Almost Full (Paul McCartney) - Dance Tonight
Grinderman (Grinderman) - Honey Bee (Let's Fly To Mars)
Traveling Wilburys (Traveling Wilburys) - Handle With Care
Essential John Denver - Thank God I'm a Country Boy
Donuts (Jay Dee) - Lightworks
Yo-Yo Ma Plays Ennio Morricone - The Ecstasy of Gold (From The God, the Bad and the Ugly)
In Our Bedroom After The War (Stars) - Personal
The Spine (They Might Be Giants) - Wearing A Raincoat
Team Boo (Mates of State) - Gotta Get A Problem
Thrills (Ellen Allien) - Cloudy City
Maggot Brain (Funkadelic) - Super Stupid (not the best song from the album - that would be the title track - but works much better as a single)
Kala (M.I.A.) - 20 Dollar
New Maps of Hell (Bad Religion) - Murder
Ratatat (Ratatat) - Germany to Germany


The order is not 100% set in stone, I may have to play around with it a little. But that's a sample from my musical smorgasbord so far this year. Comments and questions are welcome. And since I haven't made any semi-obscure references in a while, I'll end off with this. A few of us geeks went to Happy Harbor Comics on Friday to play in a HeroClix tournament, something that will likely be repeated over the next few weeks (as long as we bring scented candles or something, because there was the very ripe smell of unwashed nerd wafting around). The store owner, Jay and I, came up with a theme song for Aquaman, who's figure was the participation prize at the tournament. Sung to the theme of Spider-Man, it went like this:

Aquaman, Aquaman / Does whatever an aqua can
See him sit / In a glass
Watch his fish / As they pass
Hey there / There goes the Aquaman

For two geek points, write me a second verse to this song. (And for an extra two, you can throw on a bridge.) My favourite verse will get one additional geek point. It's the competition anyone can win!

Realizations Made While Cleaning

Here is a short list of things in my house with a longer life expecancy than my bachelorhood:

A small container of yogurt.
A bag of mixed green salad.
The remainder of a carton of eggs.
Our sour cream.
A bag of bread.
A hunk of cheese.

Not the milk, though. I've got three days on the milk.

Inertia

When I was three years old, I wrote my first story. Well, I told it to my dad and he wrote it down for me. I was always obsessed with stories; I loved my Disney and Star Wars books on record, which read to me before I knew how to read, and I loved sitting on the couch with my mom or dad and having them read a story to me, particularly one from the Golden Books. Even when I couldn't read, I would just open a picture book and pretend to read it to myself, until that day when I was four that I pulled out a book and realized that I wasn't pretending to read any more, I was actually doing it! But that's getting ahead of myself.

When I was three years old, I wrote my first story. Not the first story I ever made up, because I was making up stories for my Matchbox cars and Super-Friends action figures all the time. But the evening of May 11, 1982, I sat down with a pencil and a scrap of blue paper, and dictated the following story:


Mr. Potatohead and CBC*
Once upon a time on the
edge of The Black Forest,
they had packages
for fruit and toys. Then
there came a big frog.
Then there came a
big, big lion. And they
lived happily ever after.
The End


It's lacking a lot of story grammar, and there's no real compelling through line to it - What did they do with the fruit and toys? Where did these giant animals come from? - but it was mine. Writing that story is one of my first memories. Like I said, I'd made up stories before, but I knew that I just really wanted to have it written it down. I wanted to see my name beside those words, and I wanted other people to read it and like it as much as I liked it. I wanted to have it forever. Most stories written by three-year-olds don't last for twenty-five years, but thanks to my mom & dad's careful cataloguing of their first-born's activities, I have it pasted in my Me and Winnie-the-Pooh memory book, there to be laughed at and "aww"ed over for many more years.

From that point on, something stuck in me about writing. In my elementary school, there was a story writing competition; everyone wrote a story and the best story from each classroom made it into a collection printed at the end of the year. I won in Grade One, Grade Three, and Grade Five, in a sort of inversion of the Star Trek movie curse. I always made up stories and wrote stuff down, and naturally read books and watched movies as much as I could. Stories are part of my operating system. As a geek, it comes in awfully handy, as having a shared knowledge of stories with my other geeky friends leads to a lot of shorthand when we get together; all one of us has to do is say something like, "I'm gonna need a hacksaw"** or "This is coming out of your pay!"*** and we're all right there in that moment.

Which is why things are frustrating for me right now. My own personal story seems like it's stalling. Yesterday, to appease her parents, my lovely Peach went to live with them until we get married. My thesis is rolling so slowly the only way I know it's moving at all is that I'm not getting ahead of it as quickly as I used to. The wedding planning seems to be moving forward but I don't really feel like a part of it, even when I try helping. And I sit at this computer every night trying to think of something to write and failing miserably.

There's plenty to write about. I could write about my opinions on Spider-Man 3 (short review: not so good) or Pirates Of The Carribbean: At World's End (short review: wow, not bad). I could write about the struggles The Peach and I have as we try to integrate our lives together. (An excerpt from a conversation we had this evening. She: "Wow, I didn't realize how much beer you drank." Me: "It's one beer. I've had three beers in the past five days.") Hell, I could even write about how amazing The Sensational Spider-Man Annual #1 is (it continually breaks and fixes my heart). But every time I sit to write, nothing comes out, because I can't think that anything I write is going to be very interesting.

And that's always been part of why I write, why I put it down on paper or broadcas it to computer screens: to delight an audience, somewhere out there, wherever they are. For nine days I have tried to think of something to write, and have written nothing. I read. I watch. I laze around. And so my inertia takes control of me and I say nothing. But tonight, I face the inertia and just write something. It doesn't have to be good, or thoughtful, or even entertaining, it just has to be something. And I just did. So maybe that can crack the inertia that seems to be pervading the rest of my life now. We'll see.


* - A little background. When I was young I thought that the CBC logo I saw on tv was a character, like all the other drawings with voices I watched (The Smurfs, He-Man, and so on). Not only was I convinced that "The CBC" was a cartoon character, I was also convinced he was an evil cartoon character because he spoke in a loud, deep voice "THIS IS CBC!" about once every two or three hours. I was terrified of him. Why I made him best friends with Mr. Potato head in the story I do not remember.

** - Two cool points to the first person to guess where this quote comes from.

*** - Four cool points to the first person to guess where this quote comes from. If you need a hint, imagine it said with a Jamaican accent, but dock yourself a cool point****. Honour system, folks.

**** - Really, they should be called geek points, shouldn't they?

"Hey, who changed the station? This isn't alternative rock, it's college rock!"

Now that I have a car I listen to more radio than I used to. I usually keep it tuned to CJSR, CKUA, CBC Radio 2, and sometimes Sonic, but if I've exhausted those possibilities I tentatively branch out and try some of the other stations. It's not usually what I want to listen to, but sometimes I hit on a gem in the general radio crap.

A month ago, I randomly hit the buttons, and I heard "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana. I smiled and started bobbing my head, and then I looked at the station readout. It was the classic rock station, K-ROCK, a station that I always remembered as having obnoxious, stale djs and taking a high-and-mighty attitude about how they played "classic rock - the ONLY rock worth listening to". "No way," I thought, "that's not possible. Music that I listened to in junior high school being played on a classic rock station? That's...that's not right...is it?" Apparently it is. Over the next few weeks, I heard "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam, a random smattering of Big Sugar, "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden, "Interstate Love Song" by Stone Temple Pilots, and a few other songs from 90s "alternative rock" bands. This cannot be! I may be old, but I'm not "Classic Rock" old! YOU'RE DESTROYING MY ILLUSIONS OF YOUTH, K-ROCK!

I was so torn up about it I actually looked for a "defninition" of classic rock in Wikipedia, and found it (of course). According to this loose definition, classic rock consists of songs ranging from "the early 1960s through most of the 1980's". Ha! So screw you, K-ROCK, you've changed your format to bow to the pressures of the changing marketplace! Try and be snooty about your whole "classic rock" status now! And now I can go back to listening to my independent radio stations and being snooty about non-commercial radio.


(You know, of course, that in less than 10 years they're going to format a "grunge/alternative" rock station pandering to people in my age bracket, with a gruff radio voiceover saying stuff like "Remember the stuff you used to listen to when you were a kid? Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Matchbox 20, Silverchair, The Smashing Pumpkins? Now listen to them all on one station. We play nothing but the best alternative rock you love, without any of that modern crap." And on that day, I will sob like a baby. And not just because some of those bands are absolutely TERRIBLE.)

It can't REALLY be that time already, can it?

Today is April 20th, 2007. And although this day means many different things depending on who you talk to, it means one thing in particular to me. Today means that it's three months. Thirteen weeks. Ninety days. That's how many days it is until we get married. And really, as bad as it sounds, it's STILL not hitting me. I know that on July 20th I get married to the wonderfulest gal I know, and that we're going to walk into the rest of our lives together. But I've been thinking that way for over a year and a half, since we got engaged, so it's not seeming like that big of a change. You might think I'm not taking this seriously enough, and I've been accused of that before; I've referred to the wedding ceremony in show terms plenty of times, from the "costumes" to the "audience" to the "lines". But to me that's not insulting or inappropriate. A really good show, when put on right, can talk about real emotions and themes, and make the people who are watching it think about their own lives, their own relationships, and their own goals. I'm not saying my wedding's going to be the five star popcorn wedding of the summer, full of drama, romance, and laughs. I am saying that even though it's a show, it's not a hollow show. It's important and meaningful, because it's about something true and real. Anyhow, that's what I think. Am I dumb? Maybe. But when you're saturated in music and movies the way I am, and did drama and music concerts for the better part of my life, stories and shows are part of my basic operating system.

So I had a couple of questions for you that read this blog. Peach and I have a wedding website, and although I'd love for many of you to see it, especially my internet friends from far away, I don't really want to put the link on my public blog where anyone can click and enter (although, really, I'm sure it'd come up on Google if you really wanted to waste fifteen minutes). Any of my virtual friends care to see it? Also, I'm kind of stuck for something to put up some there, so if you have suggestions for content, I'd welcome them.

That's just COLD, Marvel.

Warning: if you haven't heard about this before now, someone died in a Marvel comic that was released on Wednesday. I talk about it for two paragraphs. If you have no interest, or if you have a LOT of interest and want to find out about it yourself, you've been warned.


I'm in a tiny bit of a financial spot right now, with my wedding coming up, car troubles rearing their ugly heads, and only working 3 days a week. Last night I promised The Peach that I wouldn't buy any comics this week, not even $5 worth, and would save it until I got paid on Tuesday. And then, the news breaks this morning. Captain America dead? That's fairly big news. And a big temptation. The Doc felt the pull of the comic store, just to go in and flip through the issue, but he stayed strong. Didn't set foot in the store. I've got a will of iron. Or at least, really strong plastic.

I really doubt it's going to be permanent, because it's not like it hasn't happened before. And it's not like the Distinguished Competition has ever pulled something like this before. I had a really strong attraction to the character, which is weird considering my own nationality, and so I'm a little upset by this announcement. It did make me think about whether or not I should be buying the few Marvel comics I do get, if only because this seems symptomatic of a big problem in major superhero comics lately: event-driven stories and the continued darkening of the storytelling. Event after event after event can drain me as a reader, both mentally and financially, and using death as an obvious plot point can get wearisome, considering all the characters that have come back from the dead recently. However, I'm no rampaging fanboy, and if there's a good story in it (and with Ed Brubaker behind the reigns), I'm sure it'll end up okay. Still, I'll miss Steve Rogers for as long as he stays gone. It made me care about my old Captain America comics, though, and I pulled out my as-yet-unread Madbomb trade to pour over on Friday in memoriam. I'm not sure that's what Marvel wanted; I'm sure they wanted me to buy Captain America #25, and then the five one-shots, and bla bla bla. But again: burnout. Right now I'd rather look back than look forward at what might happen. It might be unrealistically nostalgic, but it's where I'm at. Besides, there are few things as good as seeing Steve Rogers and Snap Wilson punching out people, Kirby-style. Unless the people they were punching were Nazis. Ah, Captain America beating up facists. Sometimes, I just get by on my simple pleasures.