Revenge of The Test Fear

I'm not having a good night, folks. I write my CASLPA certification exam tomorrow (four hours, two hundred questions) and The Test Fear is setting in. A headache is creeping up on me, I can't concentrate on anything, and with every page or note I review or re-write, the words "there's no WAY you're going to do this" keep echoing in my head. I'm doing my best, but it's just so daunting; for every fact or theory I remember there are five more I need to review. I know it's almost pointless to keep studying, but I kind of have to. I normally don't react like this to tests, but this one's a BIG one, and unlike any other test I've ever written (except maybe the GRE), my entire life pivots around this test. I don't know. Maybe I should have started studying earlier, even though I did start at the end of January; maybe 2 months wasn't enough. Maybe I should have dedicated more time to it. Maybe I should have tried harder to get a hold of some other people who were studying for the exam too. I don't know that any of that would have helped my mood right now. I'd still be worrying, probably just as bad. But maybe then I'd at least be prepared and feel unprepared, as opposed to what I think I am now. Let's hope I'm not flushing $400 and the next year of my life down the drain.

(Sorry. I'm not normally this pathetic, but the stress is getting to me.)

Hidden Treasures of Wisdom

When I study, I often get distracted. When I'm writing out my notes I will sometimes start a sentence, realize it makes no sense, and then try and make it make sense somehow. Other times I start writing out something that is painfully obvious, so I try to just wrap it up quickly and move on. When I go over my notes, I usually find one or two of these "gems', that are so inane or ridiculous or incomprehensible they usually lighten my studying mood. Here is one that I discovered just a moment ago:

"Feeding is good for child development; disruption can suck."


Future health care professional, folks. Future health care professional.

My REAL Last Exam?

At the end of this month, I'm going to write my national exam, that will make me a member of the the national college and make me clinically certified. This will help me out in many ways: most places won't hire you unless you're nationally certified, plus you get a big reduction in your insurance rates and access to a lot of resources for professional improvement. It's also a big chunk of money and time. The money's been taken care of, thankfully, but for the next four weeks I'm going to be studying for a four-hour, 200-question exam that is on every class I've ever taken in my Master's program and decides whether or not I can hold a clinical position. Plus, the last class I took was over two years ago, so some of this stuff is like dredging up nearly-forgotten information. So, no pressure. Wish me luck, folks: I think I'm going to need it.

(At least looking through all my old textbooks and notes has reminded me how much I like my chosen career, though. If only I can re-remember it all...)

Deconstructing The Presentation

Friday morning after I posted about my thesis stress nightmare, I triple-checked that I had loaded the most up-to-date versions of my presentation and script onto my CD-ROM, and headed to the university. I did a couple of quick faxes before the presentation, and before I knew it, nine o'clock had rolled around and I was ready for my grilling. I've had an idea of what a thesis defense would be like when I was a boy - a strange think for a boy to think about, but my dad did his Masters when I was about nine or so, so it was something that was on my mind. I had imagined that you stand in a sparse room with hard tile so that every step or shuffle you take makes loud, obvious echoes; that you stand the entire time, in front of a table of your committee members who sit in a row, hands folded, and begin to throw question after question at you. I also imagined, for some reason, that they would be wearing robes.

The actual presentation was, unsurprisingly, nothing like that. I sat with everyone at an oval table; they all wore sweaters; and everyone was very friendly. The chair started the session by asking me to leave so they could confer on how the presentation would go, so I left and hung out in an office, trying to calmly go over my presentation. I was summoned back, I did my twelve-minute Power Point, and then the questions began. You start with the person furthest from the project and the field of study, and work inwards, and go around a few times asking questions until they're satisfied. I was pretty nervous, and although I tried to play it cool I think it showed a few times when I just didn't understand some of the questions but inadvertently answered them when trying to get to my point. I also felt I was unfairly grilled on some statistics questions, but then again I was fairly grilled on other statistics questions, so I suppose it all evens out. Over an hour of questions passed, and then I was dismissed again so that the committee could go over their questions and slot me into one of the following three categories:

1. Pass.
2. Pass, with revisions.
3. Fail.


Almost nobody gets option one, and very few get option three. So in this case I was VERY content to score in the middle of the curve. I passed, with a slew of revisions to tackle, but I can probably get them done before December ends. So yes, my thesis went well. I didn't have much time to celebrate afterwards, because of the choir concert I had the next day and the dress rehearsal for it that evening, but Sunday night The Peach took me out to unheardof for dinner, which was delicious and full of celebratory times. I would highly recommend it for a special dining occasion: the seafood bisque was AMAZING. So now that my thesis is, essentially, done, I have time to focus on other things. Like The 5th Annual Apocalypse Kow Kristmas Kabaret (this Friday night!). Or gift shopping. Or redecorating the living room. Or completing the office move at the University. Unfortunately, outside the academic bubble I was in for a couple of weeks, life has moved on, and I have to catch up.

Good Omens

Last night I dreamt that one of my committee members showed up two hours late for my thesis presentation. I dreamt that the presentation itself took over eleven hours, that one person was adamant that I fail which threw the whole thing into deadlock, and that at one point I was so frustrated I crawled into a safety shower and turned it on while still wearing my clothes. So yeah. I'm not stressed or anything.

On the Tenth Day of Thesis

Thesis writing is not for the faint-hearted. Today I hit the wall. I don't want to go into the gruesome details, but the sooner this thesis is behind me the much, MUCH happier I'll be. And this is just a Masters-level one; when you've completed a Ph.D. Thesis you must be missing some body parts or something.

But I don't want to leave you all with that. Instead, I want to show you part of my first Christmas present of the year. Last month on the CGS boards I signed up to participate in their Secret Santa: you pick someone's name, and then you send them some of your old comics and a sketch of their choice. I foolishly didn't scan my sketch in before I send it, but I'm sure I could convince my present-ee to scan it for me when he gets it. This Saturday I got my package in the mail. I got a lot of good comics, including a lot of stuff from Ape Entertainment that I'm looking forward to reading after Friday morning, and my sketch. If I recall correctly, I asked for either John Constantine, Spider Jerusalem, or Space Ghost from his talk-show days (complete with desk, of course). Well, my Secret Santa combined two out of the three, and the results? Were AWESOME. (Standard "cartoon buttocks" warning applies.)




Oh yes. That makes me smile.

Handed In My Final Draft Today!

It was a lot of work, but I finished the paper proper and handed the hard copies in to my committee members today. Just over fifty pages, which is a little light for a thesis but I think I have some important findings despite the short length. So the paper's done, and I celebrated with pizza and Futurama (more on that last one later).

But I don't get much time to rest: I present on December 7th, so there's a talk, a PowerPoint, and a thourough comb-through of the paper for possible questions. Nine days until then, and then I might (read: "in all probability will") have some revisions. So essentially, after looking at my own words over and over again on the computer screen, it feels like this process will never end. I'm sure that feeling will pass, though. And hopefully I'll have the paper ready for printing and binding before I have to pay for another semester...