For about a week after I got back from Vancouver, I didn't feel like putting anything up here. I didn't know if I had anything important or interesting to say, if inded I had any before I left. Sounds like self-pity, but it's true. I didn't know if I'd been doing anything interesting or not. I'd sure been reading, watching, and listening to a lot of stuff, but I didn't know if that counted. So I just went about my business.
A week after that, I purposely ignored my little corner of the blogosphere. I tried not to look at the page at all - difficult as it's my browser's homepage - in an effort to see if I really needed it. What was I doing with it, after all? I don't put out hard-hitting exposés on the global news conglomerates; I don't put out daily or even semi-daily commentary on any kind of niche market; I don't use it as a diary of my daily chores and travels. I figured if I didn't have direction, I didn't have a point.
A week later, there were things that I was thinking about, wanted to write about, but because I'd been gone for two weeks, I couldn't bring myself to do anything. Inertia had set in. Better to just drown my spare time exploring various narratives and playing The Sims than think about things. I tried, for seven days, being lazy. I'm not exactly an active bundle of energy, really, but I just let the seeds of all the ideas in my brain fall on cracked, unforgiving earth. And it didn't matter. I didn't care. I just kept inching along at my new, slow pace.
But then this past week. I've been thinking. Even if sometimes I didn't want to. I think part of it has to do with me kick-starting my thesis-writing, getting back into the rational, incisive mindset, but there are things bouncing around in my head that, somehow, have taken root. And even though I think this blog has no real mission statement, maybe that's not true. Maybe it's for me to put things out there, anything that's rattling in my head. Sometimes it'll be to bring things to people's attention that I think are important, sometimes it'll be a sounding board for my grievances, sometimes it'll be ridiculous conversations and silly anecdotes, sometimes it'll be a place for me to hammer out my own opinions. It'll be a big patched-together, multi-purpose, writing engine. If there's anyone around still reading, that's a plus. I do like the idea of writing to an audience, and I get a little shiver of glee when I see a comment has been posted. But sometimes, all I need is to talk, even if no-one's listening.
So even though I'm spread out all over the place, in some of the various social networks this internet has to offer, I'll always come back here. Because I'm comfortable in the one place that's mine.
Ugh. Now I've finally put something up here, and it doesn't feel very polished. But it's done. The hard part's over, again.
